I believe this but now I need to live it.

One of THE biggest things that I loved about Weight Watcher's is that you are able to eat ANYTHING you want but to be smart about your eating.

I love food.

I am not being facetious, I really do LOVE food. I love so many things about food.
-I love how it brings family and friends together
-I love the conversations that I've had with the people I love while we are eating food.
-I love experiencing new cultures through food.
-I love how food can lift someone up, or give comfort at a moment of need.
-I love how food can be an easy way to serve someone.
-I love how food can calm me down, or get me excited.
-I love how food allows me to teach my children (okay, and husband..hehe) about being healthy and what foods do for different parts of our bodies.

However, I've tried MANY different DIETS and obviously NONE of them have worked. Anyone that REALLY knows me knows that I don't like being told what to do. I am a very stubborn person and for someone to say you can't eat this and you can't eat that really does not work for me.

Weight Watcher's (I'm not being paid to talk about them, maybe I should be though..hehe. I just truly love WW's) taught me that certain foods are better than others and to fill myself up on the "healthy" options...duh. BUT that if I want to have a piece of cake or some chips then it's okay to have a little bit, but I don't need to eat the whole bag or the whole cake AND the most important thing for me is that I don't need to feel guilty about it.

Today I found a blog entry here that a lady wrote who works with people with Eating Disorders and I LOVED it and wanted to share what she said:

Intuitive eating is best described as being a quick and ready insight into what you eat. Being intuitive…having intuition…direct knowledge without inference. How many times have you stopped to actually think what your body may want you to eat instead of just gorging on whatever is in front of your face??



I have had much interaction and influence with this topic. Spending 2 years trying to teach those with eating disorders how to make peace with food was a battle. Intuitive eating is a lifestyle…something that takes much practice. While trying to teach others to be intuitive eaters, I learned myself how to be one and I can attest that it works.


Why do you think that we become obsessed with food and have unhealthy relationships with it? I have one word for you-DIETS!! When we begin to have obsessive thoughts about being thin and eating only certain foods and restricting others we can hit what is called, “diet bottom”. Dieting can make us more preoccupied with food, it can make us feel guilty about eating non diet foods, it slows our metabolism and it makes food an enemy. Not convinced?? According to “Intuitive Eating” by Tribole and Resch:


· The mere contemplation of going on a diet brings on urges and cravings for “sinful” foods and “Fatty favorites”.
· Upon ending a diet, you end up going on a food binge and feeling guilty.
· Diets teach you not to trust your body or the food you put into it.
· Gives you feelings that you don’t deserve to eat because you’re over weight.
· The lifespan of a diet gets shorter and shorter. Slim Fast…”give us a week…and we’ll…”
· Every diet is preceded by consuming foods you won’t eat again.
· It’s hard to stay on a diet and go out to eat. It’s easier to have a social withdrawl.Each diet teaches your body to adapt better for the next self imposed famine (another diet).
· Metabolism slows.
· Eating Disorders.

Diets do not work! If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said that…


Only when you vow to discard dieting and replace it with a commitment to intuitive eating will you be released from the prison of yo yo weight fluctuations and food obsessions. By learning to intuitively eat, you will see a healthier, happier you. You will begin to find that your weight will be a healthy, realistic one that will be best for you body. You’ll be surprised to see that it will often be less than what your “ideal weight” is.


Principles to becoming an intuitive eater:
1. Reject the Diet Mentality-throw out the diet books. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being able to discover Intuitive Eating.


2. Honor Your Hunger-Keep your body fed biologically with enough energy and carbs. Learn to honor the signals for rebuilding trust with food.


3. Make Peace With Food-Call a truce; stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build unto uncontrollable cravings and, often, binging.


4. Challenge the Food Police- Scream a loud “No” to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating under 1,000 calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. This step is critical!


5. Feel Your Fullness-Listen to the body signals that tell you you are no longer hungry. Pause in the middle of eating and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what your current fullness level is.


6. Discover The Satisfaction Factor- We often overlook one of the basic gifts of existence-the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you’ve had “enough.”

7. Cope With Your Emotions Without Using Food-We all deal with emotions such as anxiety, loneliness, boredom and anger. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. You’ll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.


8. Respect Your Body- Accept the genetic blueprint! When you accept yourself, you feel better about yourself.

9. Exercise-Feel The Difference-Forget militant exercise! Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie-burning effect of exercise. If you focus more on how it feels to exercise instead of losing weight-it’s usually more motivating to get up and do it.

10. Honor Your Health-Gentle Nutrition-Remember that you don’t have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters. Progress, not perfection, is what counts.


While I don’t intend on telling anyone what to do (people don’t usually like that ;) I can tell you that this intuitive eating process has changed my life. I am by no means a perfect intuitive eater. I find myself having to go back to some of the steps again and again. The key is to have a healthy mindset. It also requires a highly conscious decision and commitment.

This book, “Intuitive Eating”, is well worth your time and money. If you are feeling unhappy in any way with your relationship with food or your body, READ IT!

While it is National Eating Disorders Awareness month, I will put a plug in for all those struggling with eating disorders: “Eating Disorders are not just a fad or a phase. They are serious, potentially life-threatening conditions that affect a person’s emotional and physical health”-NEDA

Eating Disorders are one of the most selfish, self consumed things I have ever witnessed. They not only affect you, but everyone around you. Your family and friends will be affected greatly if you choose to take this path and not receive help. They are dangerous, serious and I have personally seen lives taken. They create a deadly path that only spirals downward. There are many resources out there where you can receive help.

I wanted to repeat this part:
10. Honor Your Health-Gentle Nutrition-Remember that you don’t have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal or one day of eating. It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters.

Progress, not perfection, is what counts.

I can't believe I'm doing this!!!!

So I decided that enough is enough. I am soooo tired of being overweight and unhealthy. For the last 6 weeks (at least) I've been saying I want to lose weight, I want to lose weight but haven't done a THING...well, I've started eating better but not great.

It pisses me off that AFTER having baby R. I gained weight (18.5 lbs)... WHO DOES THAT?!?! Most people lose weight after having a baby, not me. AGGHHH!!!

Even though this is going to be mortifying for me I NEED to be accountable for my choices, and right now I am CHOOSING to be this size and this unhealthy. Unforunately, if I keep making the choices I am/was how long am I actually going to last?

So when I went to Weight Watcher's the BEST thing about the meetings was having to be accountable to someone. Here I am!! My sweet hubby Wayne has tried so hard to get me going, bought workout equipment so we could workout together, bribed me, challenged me etc. but I just haven't been ready.....it's a lot of work (both emotionally, and physically) to lose weight and honestly I've just been too lazy.

But now it's time.

So today I'm going to share my stats.... (I think I'm going to puke)...but I know that if I have all of you out there knowing these things then it will keep me motivated.

My weight:
188.5 lbs.

My stats are: (all in inches)
Chest-42
Under Boobs-39
Waist-38.5
Hips-43
Butt-43
L. Leg(Quad)- 26
R. Leg(Quad)-26
L. Arm-13
R. Arm-13.5 ( a little more buff...haha...ya right)

I have wrapped a piece of ribbon around my chunky tummy and I can't wait to see how many inches I can lose.

I will be weighing in and taking my measurements every Wednesday morning.
If you would like to join me, PLEASE DO!!! If you don't want to write your stats or weight on the blog, you can email me at: toaojb@hotmail.com  (this is my private account so Wayne won't even see it). We'll keep eachother accountable.

**I'll be adding a picture when Wayne gets home later today, or tomorrow**

The PROMISE!!!

Wayne and I were having a discussion the other night (I'm sure it was after a little cry session on my part) and Wayne and I decided that if I get to my goal weight, which is 150lbs, that I can take $500 of our saved money and go on a little shopping spree. WOOHOO!!!

Such great motivation and something that I don't ever really do for myself. So to hit my goal and give myself (well...from Wayne as well) this gift will be a fabulous thing.

The Journey Back To Me

For the past, oh I don't know 11 years 3 months and 8 days (just kidding), I have struggled with my weight. As a kid I remember going outside EARLY in the morning, hearing my Mom call us for lunch, eating, then going out to play until supper and bedtime. I NEVER stopped and I NEVER thought about being skinny or chubby, I just had fun being ME. I was a typical teenager I was always dancing, playing sports or chasing boys but I did have my insecurities of my body. I remember thinking that weighing in at 130lbs was FAT....WHAT?!?....CRAZINESS!!!

Then I graduated and moved away from home and I still remember the first time I twisted around and felt something funny on my back.

This isn't/wasn't my body, but wish that's all the "fat"/skin I had now. :)

I reached behind and realized there was a "roll" there....WTH?!? From that moment on the weight just kept sneaking up on me.

I remember watching an Oprah show and she said that it is SHOCKING the first time you walk past a mirror or window and see what you REALLY look like. For me it is SHOCKING when I see a picture of myself because in my mind I am still looking like that 18 year old girl, curvy, fit, thin....Not the woman who has the extra bits escaping over the top of the jeans, or the set of back boobs.

Over the last 11 years I have done tons of things to lose the weight. When I lived in Seattle I would go running in the morning, that lasted a week.

In New York, I worked out in my bosses gym or went walking with my BF's and I actually lost 20+lbs and felt FABULOUS.

I moved back to S'toon, met Mr. W, got engaged and unlike most brides that lose weight for their wedding, I gained it.

After having Nathan I went to Weight Watcher's and lost the 20lbs again, stopped going and gained it all back.

2.5 years later I went BACK to Weight Watcher's and worked hard to lose 30lbs and I felt FABULOUS!!!

A few months later I was pregnant again...hehe. I didn't gain too much weight and almost instantly went back to the weight I was before I got pregnant. YAY.

Then UHOH... do I HAVE to be on the roller coaster ride again...unfortunately, I've gained weight again (I've been needing to eat like crazy so that I can keep my milk supply up, but the down side is I am gaining weight) and weigh now as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant with Rylan...AGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

So here I am. Cranky, fat, sad, depressed, dissapointed, confused, but also encouraged, excited, and READY.

I am a person that needs to be held accountable to someone(that's why WW's worked well for me because I knew I have to weigh in in front of someone every week). Plus, I think it could be fun to have proof of where I've been and where I am going.

Thus, the start of this blog. Today is the beginning of the journey back to me. I don't want to go back to being 18 again, but I want to go back to taking care of me, loving who I am, being healthy, loving what I look like, and not just being a mom, wife, friend but being ME. The ME that I see in my mind, healthy, clothes fit properly, not needing to wear extra layers to cover up the yucky areas, and just loving who I am.