The Journey Back To Me

For the past, oh I don't know 11 years 3 months and 8 days (just kidding), I have struggled with my weight. As a kid I remember going outside EARLY in the morning, hearing my Mom call us for lunch, eating, then going out to play until supper and bedtime. I NEVER stopped and I NEVER thought about being skinny or chubby, I just had fun being ME. I was a typical teenager I was always dancing, playing sports or chasing boys but I did have my insecurities of my body. I remember thinking that weighing in at 130lbs was FAT....WHAT?!?....CRAZINESS!!!

Then I graduated and moved away from home and I still remember the first time I twisted around and felt something funny on my back.

This isn't/wasn't my body, but wish that's all the "fat"/skin I had now. :)

I reached behind and realized there was a "roll" there....WTH?!? From that moment on the weight just kept sneaking up on me.

I remember watching an Oprah show and she said that it is SHOCKING the first time you walk past a mirror or window and see what you REALLY look like. For me it is SHOCKING when I see a picture of myself because in my mind I am still looking like that 18 year old girl, curvy, fit, thin....Not the woman who has the extra bits escaping over the top of the jeans, or the set of back boobs.

Over the last 11 years I have done tons of things to lose the weight. When I lived in Seattle I would go running in the morning, that lasted a week.

In New York, I worked out in my bosses gym or went walking with my BF's and I actually lost 20+lbs and felt FABULOUS.

I moved back to S'toon, met Mr. W, got engaged and unlike most brides that lose weight for their wedding, I gained it.

After having Nathan I went to Weight Watcher's and lost the 20lbs again, stopped going and gained it all back.

2.5 years later I went BACK to Weight Watcher's and worked hard to lose 30lbs and I felt FABULOUS!!!

A few months later I was pregnant again...hehe. I didn't gain too much weight and almost instantly went back to the weight I was before I got pregnant. YAY.

Then UHOH... do I HAVE to be on the roller coaster ride again...unfortunately, I've gained weight again (I've been needing to eat like crazy so that I can keep my milk supply up, but the down side is I am gaining weight) and weigh now as much as I did when I was 9 months pregnant with Rylan...AGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

So here I am. Cranky, fat, sad, depressed, dissapointed, confused, but also encouraged, excited, and READY.

I am a person that needs to be held accountable to someone(that's why WW's worked well for me because I knew I have to weigh in in front of someone every week). Plus, I think it could be fun to have proof of where I've been and where I am going.

Thus, the start of this blog. Today is the beginning of the journey back to me. I don't want to go back to being 18 again, but I want to go back to taking care of me, loving who I am, being healthy, loving what I look like, and not just being a mom, wife, friend but being ME. The ME that I see in my mind, healthy, clothes fit properly, not needing to wear extra layers to cover up the yucky areas, and just loving who I am.